After a series of meeting of a day, I took a long walk. Went out of the office, walked along Zhongshan North Road, directly toward to the Taipei Fine Art Museum, which is the route I took often.
The song - <Jardin d'hiver>, has kept on hovering my mind all day. I'd prefer Stacey Kent's version instead of Henri Salvator's. Surprisingly, the sidewalk along the street has added many plants due to the coming of <Taipei International Flora Expo> which turned this environment into a grant garden. I quite enjoy my walking every time I intend to gasp for breath.
Today is a bit different, it's the day before my 32, supposedly should not be so special, especially I hope to keep it understone.
As usual, I clear up my mind and life on the day of my birthday, and put them on file one by one, in order to push myself move on.
There is one thing, I should not avoid anymore, I shall put in order.
I could, of course, keep on telling myself that I am not happy these days is because of <mitral valve prolapse syndrome> from the aspect of scientific viewpoint, my sentiment up side down occasionally, lately, over months, is only because of this physical disease, NOT because I miss him. Maybe or maybe not. – Factor 1. Science. Barely checked.
Due to this physiological issue cause me emotional affect, drive me playing cello & piano, turn my face to the God, as the path of rescued myself by two important factors in life – art and religion – Factor 2.3. Checked.
But I have doubt at Love – the Factor 4.
"What do husbands generally do, especially stockbrokers? On Sundays they either go to the races, or to the cafe, or with whores, for men need a few distractions, otherwise they cannot work and besides it's only human nature." ( the letter written by Gauguin to Metti in 1882)
I just had my hair cut at the time we met. I saw a picture of Tom Cruse’s wife and their daughter. She seems no need to do anything but taking care of the baby - simple. I wanted to be like her (at that time). Therefore, I made my first step to had my haircut. Honestly, I do understand how stupid thought and action I was taking, but hey, that was actually how it worked.
However, like old saying reminds: you should always becareful what you are praying, because that may become true. Right after few days of the haircut, I met him in the bar and, well, at least they have one thing in common - the size.
The things happened in the next was, without a question, just a fling – should ended up at the first time he left. Somehow, unconsciously, it became having the second time, even the third time, which brought me think maybe I should know this person more under this circumstance.
Somehow, again, I checked him through the Internet, and the outcome is more than him - his family. I was shocked – this may be the consequence I shall take by the careless attitude I was before.
I asked him few questions when I found out thee truth. I’ve actually already known the answer before I asked, I just need to have his confirm. After his first response, I questioned closely a few, but no more response. Those questions, hence, followed me to London, to Greece, even back.
